Fear.

      6 Comments on Fear.

This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about fear on the blog and I can assure you, it won’t be the last.  You see, fear is my biggest demon but it’s also my biggest ally.  Fear is what keeps me from doing new things and it’s what keeps me pushing forward.  Fear and I have quite the love hate relationship.

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And currently, I find myself facing a battle with fear.  I know I’ll come out on top as long as I keep pushing through the fear and using it as my motivation, rather than as my nemesis.  Because really it’s amazing what I can do when I push fear aside.

 

If I let fear get in the way, I never would have stepped out on the stage in front of my peers (in high school) to perform a song that I wrote.

Please don't mind the hair or makeup...

Please don’t mind the hair or makeup…

And if you had seen me only moments before, you never would have thought I’d step a single barefoot onto that stage.

 

If I let fear get in the way, I never would have moved to Boston to attend and eventually graduate from Berklee College of Music.

232323232fp43233>nu=323;>33->834>WSNRCG=3232<4457-588nu0mrjAnd if you had seen me only moments before, well…I was passed out.

 

If I let fear get in the way, I never would have gone into NYC the night I first heard The Lumineers (then 6cheek and about to become Wesley Jeremiah) and I never would have decided to start working with the band.

web_2If I let fear get in the way, I never would have had the nerve to move from New Jersey to Los Angeles, unsure of what was to come of my life or career.

IMG_0493If I let fear get in the way, I never would have sucked up my ego and moved back home to pursue my personal training certificate.

IMG_0855If I let fear get in the way, I never would have run 13.1 miles and be able to call myself a 1/2 marathoner.

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So why let fear get in the way now?  My life has been this never-ending journey (that I don’t want to end anytime soon!) and in some of my biggest moments, I’ve pushed past that fear only to emerge as a stronger and better version of myself.

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So why am I allowing fear to hold me down now? Why am I finding myself filled with moments of self-doubt and insecurity?

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I ran across a quote in a book the other day that read “Don’t let lingering fears or frustration manifest as disinterest, ennui, or as anger at others or yourself. Growth always has it’s awkward moments and proceeds in increments, often more slowly than we’d like.  Watch for the small and significant advances.”

Whoa.

 

I also found an old notebook where I wrote that a friend says “I don’t know my self worth but that that is different from knowing I’m good at what I do. I don’t get it.”

Whoa x2.

 

Late Saturday morning, I was sitting in my living room and could hear the speakers at the graduation ceremony at my old high school when I came to a realization: I want to be invited to speak at a graduation.  I want to be so good at what I do, so inspiring that my story is worth sharing.  Because I have a story.  In fact, I have the perfect story to tell; I’m just still in the midst of making it and I will never get to finish this chapter and move onto the next if I keep allowing this wall of fear to stand in my way.

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So I’m pushing it aside. I’m calling in my support regime and I’m kicking my ass into high gear.  And hopefully, someday, I’ll be invited to share my story.  Maybe at a graduation or maybe somewhere else, but I have a story and I want to tell it.

When have you pushed past your fear? Tell me your story!


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6 thoughts on “Fear.

  1. Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen

    I’ve been a little scared (fearful?) lately about this next big leap of faith, but my whole life post-college (and even some times during) has been that way I think. Funny that you talk about having a story, because I found an old post of mine recently where I talk about remembering that even if everything gets screwed up, or doesn’t go as planned, in the end, at least you’ll get to say, “That was a good story.”

    Someone once told me that I “have a story for everything,” and I took it as an amazing compliment. Say yes when you can. Take chances. Be the crazy, cool aunt–that might just be me, but I’m not sure I’ll ever have kids–who can never be pinned down but always flies back in on holidays or for a visit with some story about this, that, or the other.

    Why not?

  2. Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli

    “Because I have a story. In fact, I have the perfect story to tell; I’m just still in the midst of making it and I will never get to finish this chapter and move onto the next if I keep allowing this wall of fear to stand in my way.” <- Hell yeah!

    I think fear of the unknown is the thing that plagues me the most…that or the fear of feeling…feelings that I have kept down for years and have caused me to lose sight of who I am. It's hard to let down your guard…break down that wall…flip on that light switch, but there is so much more past the fear. And hell, we won't ever grow if we don't allow life to scare the shit out of us sometimes, right? Thanks for reminding me that my fears cannot and will not hold me back! xoxo

  3. Precious

    Fear ends where faith begins.
    It’s so hard to push past fear but change begins there!
    I am working on facing my fears
    because I too have a story I want to tell.

  4. Christina Woodworth

    I have suffered from social anxiety for most of my adult life. In 2007 my employer asked if I would go to the Philippines to help train to of our outsourced call center’s they had hired on my own. I was really afraid of not only going somewhere where I didn’t know anyone and where I would have to interact with a tons of people I didn’t know but I grabbed the opportunity and went. It was one of the best times of my life. IF hadn’t tackled the fear I would have missed out on an awesome experience.

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