I have to admit some days I want to quit. I want to give up, throw in the towel and say “I’m done!” Those days are hard. They take a lot of tears and texts with friends to remind me why I started this, why I dreamed this up and why I spend every waking hour of my day doing something that I hope will lead to better days for the project.
I watch as the money in my bank account goes towards fixing an RV that never should have been sold in the first place. I pick up every penny that I find knowing that it all adds up. I listen to people tell me over and over again to find corporate sponsors, that what we’re doing is so cool that companies have to get behind it and support. And then I watch as my inbox fills with turn down emails all saying the same thing “cool project but we don’t have the funds” or “obviously you can imagine we get a lot of these requests and sadly we can’t say yes to everyone.”
This isn’t meant to be a pity party. This isn’t to fill the pages of TLSM with “woe is me” or to make anyone feel bad for me.
This is about a year. One single year of my life.
A year of fight and struggle. A year of ups and downs. A year with a sneak peak dive into home ownership and people who will lie just to make a sale. But it’s one single year.
Hell, I have no idea what the end of this year has in store for me. I don’t know where I’ll be, who I’ll be or what I’ll be doing with my life. It’s why I get so nervous when people ask us to return next year…”do I even want to do this again next year?”
This space has been filled with my life experiences for the last few years – the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s a space that is sacred to me and one that I try to fill with all the things I need out of my life – positivity, music, fitness and inspiration.
But it’s also MY space. My space to say what’s working and what’s not. My space to say when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m frustrated, and when I’m excited. My space to be honest and open and so today that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not going to put on a fake smile and tell you this is easy or always pleasant, because it’s not.
We all dream a big dream but what we sometimes forget is that it takes a lot of fight to make them happen.
When I went to college for music I always said I wanted to manage bands because if I couldn’t make my own dreams come true, I was going to make someone else’s. But now it’s time for me to make my OWN dreams happen. To look at this giant dream and break down each segment and how I CAN and WILL make it happen.
Joining in for Amanda’s Thinking Out Loud.