The guy who liked your friends.
The guy who things ended peacefully and mutually and in reality was probably too good for you.
The guy who you liked but he had a girlfriend; forget that. (x2)
The guy who didn’t actually care; you were just convenient for the situation.
The guy who loved you, but couldn’t tell you why it couldn’t work.
The guy who didn’t appreciate you.
The guy who is really just a good friend, not the one to date. (x3)
The guy who used you.
The guy who knows the good, the bad and the ugly, still cares but at the end of the day, it might just come down to bad timing.
All hurt in one way or another. All help you get to the right one. I’m still looking for that right one.
Some days it’s lonely. Some days it’s freeing. Some days it just is what it is.
This week, it’s stung like a fresh cut. I’m trying to put the past behind me but all I really want to do is hop a plane and fly away; move away; get away.
It doesn’t have to hurt this bad. I don’t have to let it sting so deep. But I’m having a hard time putting it all behind me and breathing. I’m afraid to let my wall down for fear of getting hurt. But I know I will never find love again until I can do that. That and let go of the fear and insecurities these past guys have put on me.
Sometimes I think I need to learn to be selfish; to say what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, and what I want. Sometimes I think I need to stop making sure you have what you need and ensure that I have what I need. And sometimes…sometimes I think I need to stop thinking about it; just let it happen; just live.
(Disclaimer: This is me being completely and openly honest. And in continuing with that, I was afraid to post this. I’m okay but I’m growing up and finding love is part of that journey. And this blog is a way for me to share my journey with anyone who wants to listen. So why hold back?)