I’ve always hated doctor’s offices for as long as I can remember. I honestly have a hard time thinking of a doctor that I’ve liked and actually trusted myself with. Because of that, I choose to not go. As someone who promotes living a healthy lifestyle, this has always surprised me. I know and understand the importance of getting routine checkups when nothing seems to be going wrong, but especially when things seem off. Yet, I still choose not to go. But when pain and discomfort follow for periods on end, so much so that I nearly (or do) take myself to the Emergency Room, I am reminded why I should go. …especially when the ER bill delivers itself to your mailbox.
And while I have (barely) avoided the ER this time around, I am making myself go to doctor’s appointments. I’m rearranging my schedule and spending my days off wishing I was somewhere else, doing something else, enjoying my “free” time. But life and my body are making me stop. And it’s not easy.
I’m trying to practice my patience, breathing and relaxation. I’m trying to make myself go to more yoga classes (especially since I’m paying for unlimited!). I’m trying to give myself the proper time for me without giving myself so much time I go into a panic thinking about the worst case scenario.
Tests have been done. More tests will be done. And countless hours and days of waiting will continue. Answers will eventually reveal themselves but for now all I can do is ask for positive thoughts as I’m doing all that I can to find out and fix what’s going on. And maybe someday, depending on the diagnosis, will tell my story. But then again, maybe not. Maybe it just becomes my story. My story that I choose who or who not to tell. Maybe I tell no one. And literally no one. But however this story plays out, I just ask for your support, your love, your positive thoughts.
And in case anyone was wondering, should you cry at your doctor’s office, they might just bring you a juice box with the box of tissues. (I cry when I’m stressed and frustrated. It just happens. Sorry.) But when the nurse left to get tissues and came back with a juice box, I couldn’t help but laugh.
I need to find a way to simplify my life again with all that’s going on and I haven’t quite figured it out yet. I took a lot on and I’m finding it hard to focus on me somedays. Not being in school this semester will definitely help but it stills feels like I need to do something else, not sure what though…
Things at work are going awesome and after my store leader unexpectedly pulled me out of the store as I walked in to work over the weekend, I was reminded how much I love my job there and got the reassurance that I need sometimes that I’m exceeding others expectations on a daily basis.
Also on a positive note, I finished Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets this evening! Justine, book 2 is now ready for you to borrow (& book 1 if needed)! I’m debating starting Book 3 tonight or watching the Netflix movie that arrived last week so I can get the 2nd movie asap.
|bought myself flowers and read by candlelight to relax|
aww girl, i'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time with health issues 🙁 hang in there!