Are you sitting down? If not, I think you should be. I feel like I’m having a mid-life quarter-life crisis. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I’m being totally honest. 2010 wasn’t very fun. It definitely had it’s fun moments, don’t get my wrong, but mentally it was exhausting. I started 2011 going in with a fresh start and mind. I wanted to make this year about me. About figuring out what would make me happy and working to achieve that by putting myself first. I’ve done that so far. It hasn’t been easy by any means, and not everyday is perfect but I didn’t expect it to be, so that’s fine.
I started my apartment remodel as a way to feel more motivated to get work done in my apartment, and therefore, be able to push forward on starting up my company. And while I am very happy with the remodel and redecoration of my apartment, and happier choosing to stay here for the time being, there’s still a level of motivation lacking in company start up plans. It might just be exhaustion and feeling extremely overwhelmed by all that needs to go into it, but at the same time, I refuse to start a company when I don’t feel 150% in it. It doesn’t mean I’m not ever going to, but I’m not yet ready to invest all of that time and and energy into it. I’ll continue to do management freelance and see where the future takes me…
I can’t even begin to describe to you the thoughts running through my head because it’s completely overwhelming me and trying to explain it to someone else, would just be non sense. I can’t keep up with the thoughts and they run through and I can’t figure out how I feel about some of them that keep lingering around, as part of me can’t even accept that my brain is continuing to think about them and allow them to hang around so long.
So I was watching the 2005 Commencement Address from Stanford University that Steve Jobs did, which you can find here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc It’s an amazing speech that I highly recommend you put 15 minutes aside to watch the whole thing. There were several quotes that caught my attention but this one really hit the core of me:
“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs