It’s rare for me to post more than once in a day, but this is one of those posts that I feel loses impact if not posted in a timely fashion.
I dropped a barbell on myself this morning. Before you start freaking out, I’m not hurt. There may be a slight bruise but more than anything, it’s just my ego that’s bruised.
Before you start blaming CrossFit or thinking I’m not in good hands or was pushed beyond my means, that’s not what happened.
We were working on Snatch Balances as our strength movement this morning. It’s a new move to me and a little awkward at first, but I got it and kept the weight light, creeping up slowly. I got to 60# and when I went to push the weight up, I couldn’t lock my arm out, it just gave out. I tried to bail the bar but couldn’t get myself out of the way fast enough and the bar came down on me instead.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. My coach came running over, the girls nearby came over to make sure I was okay. I was on the ground scared, confused, frustrated, embarrassed and now also in tears. Not because I was hurt, just because of what happened.
I got myself back up, I let myself take a few minutes to let out those emotions, then stripped the weight back down to my last successful weight (55#) and couldn’t get it. I bailed on the bar before it got over head. Everyone around me was watching and knew I was battling myself. One of the guys even yelled from across the gym “get out of your head!” …that was exactly what was happening.
I put the bar back on the rack, took a few steps back and a few deep breaths. Everyone knew I had it, we knew I was OK, we just knew I was fighting an inner battle. I stepped back up to the bar, put it on my shoulders, and did the snatch.
The real problem is that I’m a crier…once I start I don’t stop. So throughout the rest of class (and the morning that followed), I was wiping tears off my face. My fellow athletes kept coming up, making sure I was okay, reassuring me that I’ve got this.
It’s this community of CrossFit that can’t be ignored, can’t be silenced and can’t be stopped.
If you watched the Games this weekend, you saw it then too. You saw it when the athletes that finished first were out on the field cheering on the athletes still pushing through. It’s like something I’ve never witnessed except when I’m at the box.
So while I dropped a barbell on myself this morning, while my ego is bruised and while my level of embarrassment is high, I’ll be back tomorrow. Because I know when I walk in, I’ll be surrounded by some freaking amazing people ready to pick me back up.