Thinking Out Loud: Truth

      16 Comments on Thinking Out Loud: Truth

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I have to admit some days I want to quit. I want to give up, throw in the towel and say “I’m done!” Those days are hard. They take a lot of tears and texts with friends to remind me why I started this, why I dreamed this up and why I spend every waking hour of my day doing something that I hope will lead to better days for the project.

I watch as the money in my bank account goes towards fixing an RV that never should have been sold in the first place. I pick up every penny that I find knowing that it all adds up. I listen to people tell me over and over again to find corporate sponsors, that what we’re doing is so cool that companies have to get behind it and support. And then I watch as my inbox fills with turn down emails all saying the same thing “cool project but we don’t have the funds” or “obviously you can imagine we get a lot of these requests and sadly we can’t say yes to everyone.”

This isn’t meant to be a pity party. This isn’t to fill the pages of TLSM with “woe is me” or to make anyone feel bad for me.

This is about a year. One single year of my life.

A year of fight and struggle. A year of ups and downs. A year with a sneak peak dive into home ownership and people who will lie just to make a sale. But it’s one single year.

Hell, I have no idea what the end of this year has in store for me. I don’t know where I’ll be, who I’ll be or what I’ll be doing with my life. It’s why I get so nervous when people ask us to return next year…”do I even want to do this again next year?”

This space has been filled with my life experiences for the last few years – the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s a space that is sacred to me and one that I try to fill with all the things I need out of my life – positivity, music, fitness and inspiration.

But it’s also MY space. My space to say what’s working and what’s not. My space to say when I’m happy, when I’m sad, when I’m frustrated, and when I’m excited. My space to be honest and open and so today that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m not going to put on a fake smile and tell you this is easy or always pleasant, because it’s not.

We all dream a big dream but what we sometimes forget is that it takes a lot of fight to make them happen.

When I went to college for music I always said I wanted to manage bands because if I couldn’t make my own dreams come true, I was going to make someone else’s. But now it’s time for me to make my OWN dreams happen. To look at this giant dream and break down each segment and how I CAN and WILL make it happen.

 

Joining in for Amanda’s Thinking Out Loud.


16 thoughts on “Thinking Out Loud: Truth

  1. Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut

    I heart you friend! You guys are SO brave to be out there doing what you’re doing on faith. Faith that this WILL be worth it!!

    You know you can text any time to talk about anything! <3 <3

    Also I think we need to beat up whoever sold you than dang RV!!!

  2. Meg @ A Dash of Meg

    so proud of you babes. this was beautifully written. you know i always have your back and, trust me when i say this, what you’re going through RIGHT now is going to make you so much stronger for what comes ahead <3

  3. Kelsey / A Turquoise Lining

    Fear can sometimes propel to do things we didn’t think were possible – and I know that is where you are right now. After this year is done, no matter what you decide to do when it comes to a close, it will have changed you in the best ways possible. You will have learned so much about not only yourself, but the world around you. You are making an impact and showing us all what the CrossFit community is really about… and that’s amazing.

  4. Lily Lau

    None of us can know where we’ll be even next month! Don’t worry, we’ll always be here if you need to be listened, that’s something you have for sure 🙂

  5. Morgan @ Managing Mommyhood

    I love how you so eloquently wrote your own fears and anxieties with your dreams. Such a great, thought provoking posts. You seem like such a hard working and patient person, I know you will reach your goals. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday. Keep up your hard work.

    1. Katie Post author

      Thanks Morgan! Sometimes we just have to put it all out there and take down the mask that everything is going perfectly, when it’s obviously not.

  6. Katie

    So maybe you don’t do it next year. But maybe you do turn this experience into something where you do travel for special events, or you speak about how to start a fundraising campaign. I understand those days where you question what you’re doing (I think we all do that from time to time) but I do think that this journey is for a reason. Keep up the good work!!

    1. Katie Post author

      Thanks, girl! I agree it’s for a reason. While to some it may seem crazy and like a dream and adventure built on impulse, I never would have quit my job with such an amazing company if doing THIS didn’t feel so right. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of this.

  7. Amanda @ .running with spoons.

    It’s always a struggle to get through those hard days, and it’s usually not until later down the road where we see the true value in them. I think this year is going to be such an amazing experience for you and add so much to your life. Hang in there, girl <3 The struggles are what make us stronger.

  8. Bri

    Sounds like we’re coming from the same place today. Good for you for seeing the benefit in ALL the ups and downs. It’s your life experience, it’s what makes you you. Good luck with everything you’ve got going on 🙂

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