Can we get a bit serious today, please?
Don’t worry, not like a ‘down in the dumps’ serious, just a bit of a heart-to-heart meets vent session?
You see, I have this coworker (at my second job, let’s call him Jake) who has a very clear vision of how he thinks things are “supposed” to be in life. He was obviously raised in a very specifically thought out family and he holds those beliefs very close to his heart which in many ways I understand. But what I don’t understand, is how limiting his views are outside of that or more so, his reactions to finding out mine.
I am not shy to say that I don’t want my own children.
I’ve said it countless times and I will continue to, but that doesn’t mean I hate kids or if someday it just happened, that I wouldn’t love that child with all of me. What it means though is that I make decisions (and will continue to do so) that fit with my desires for my life.
Side note: I know it raises confusion for people when they know I dated someone with a child and no, that didn’t change what I wanted. There were private conversations that happened behind the scenes and so I’ll just leave that at that.
I’ve also said that if I changed my mind down the road, I would adopt but that “innate” desire or “motherly instinct” or whatever else you want to call it, that women get about the idea of having kids just doesn’t live in me. And you know what?
While it may seem like this is a conversation about having children, it’s not. This is a conversation about having your own thoughts and knowing they are YOURS and not necessarily someone else’s too. Whether this be about having kids, politics, religion, etc…
I bring this up because of his reaction to my statement. I always planned to avoid this conversation with Jake but it was brought up after he saw my reaction to a video of my friend’s baby taking some of his first steps. That little boy may as well be my blood nephew, I love him to pieces, so needless to say, there were many “awwwww”s in response. Jake said “someday you’ll have your own” to which I responded “no, that’s not in my plan.”
He looked like I just killed a puppy and proceeded to tell me about someone he knows who used to say the same thing and now has 2 children and REGRETS ever saying otherwise. I knew he was biting his tongue from saying more and I knew I lost some respect in his book, but can I just say…
IT’S OKAY TO HAVE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS AND IT’S OKAY THAT MINE MAY NOT ALWAYS MATCH UP WITH YOURS, OR YOURS WITH MINE!
But…while I have my thoughts and you have yours, it’s NOT okay to make anyone feel bad or shameful or like their beliefs, desires or dreams are any less because they aren’t the same as yours.
And now that it’s out there, I’ll step off my soapbox and let you carry on with your day. 😉
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Yes yes yes! It is SO important to have your own opinions and thoughts – and it’s so important that you’re able to express those thoughts too!
What works for you isn’t going to work for others – and the world would be SO boring if we all followed the same path!
Kristy @ Southern In Law recently posted…Recent Things: DIY-ing, Tall Girl Problems and Deliciousness
Yes and Amen! … and it isn’t anyone’s business. Drives. Me. Crazy. Good for you for having a healthy sense of self awareness.
Great Post 🙂
My daughter decided in high school that she did not want to have children. When I told people in casual convo this fact, I would get the same reaction, she’s young, she’ll change her mind or the other gem, oh my daughter said that and now she has 3 kids but I knew, I respected the decision from the beginning, I told her it was her life, her choice. Am I disappointed, yes, I have been a babysitter, Nanny & Mom, kids were my life, I was looking forward to having grandkids (I do have more children that may one day have children of their own) but I never once tried to change her mind, I respect her too much.
More power to you for knowing your own mind, it is very important women push to not be compromised in their decisions process 🙂
Happy Thursday, cheers, T. 🙂
Great post! I think people are too quite to judge lately and always want to tell other people how to live their lives
I tell my mom this all the time about politics LOL
I totally agree why do people react that way? My best friend says she doesn’t want kids of her own but just because she is married everyone assumes she has to now. Why is this the way of thinking? Weird. Just do you that’s why God made us all unique and special.
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To be fair, that’s how I react to people when they say they don’t like cats ??? kidding. Kind of.
But this is one issue that makes my blood boil–people getting annoyed or angry that women don’t want what women “should” want. Although I differ in the matter of wanting kids, I kind of want to punch that guy for making you feel that way especially since your opinion in no way could hurt anyone…and that’s really the only reason anyone should be offended by anyone’s opinions. Okay long comment ending now. ??
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OMG YES! I agree with this and this exact scenario! The second I tell people I don’t wan’t kids they say “Oh I always said the same thing, you’ll change your mind” or “But you’re a teacher! You’re great with kids!” and then kind of look at me like they can’t trust me or that I’m “pretending” to like kids at work. I love kids, but I don’t think that’s what me or my husband want in our lives and that’s not their choice. It’s like people can’t handle when other people make choices that are different from the ones that they made, you know? Good for you for sticking with your own thoughts and plan for your life!
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This is so on point! People are always getting in your business and telling you what you ought to do! Whenever I tell people that my husband and I would like to have kids in the near future, they always have to tell me how it will change my life, I’ll never sleep again, I’ll hate my life, etc. and that i should wait until im “much older”. I’m like…gee thanks! hahaha..okay i feel much better now…thanks 😀
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YES! Although I do want kids sometime in the future, I don’t want them NOW, and it grinds my gears when people keep asking me when Im going to get married or have kids. People need to accept your beliefs and take your feelings into account before they put their two cents in!
I absolutely respect your decision and would never in a million years tell you that it’s wrong. Everyone knows best what’s best for them.
I totally agree that everyone has the right to have his own thoughts and there is no need for them to match with anyone else’s thoughts or views!
Kudos to you! Hugs xxx
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I’ve been thinking for myself for the majority of my decision since I was able to do so. There have been times when I haven’t, of course, but by and large… I do Suz. I don’t know how to be anyone else!
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