This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about fear on the blog and I can assure you, it won’t be the last. You see, fear is my biggest demon but it’s also my biggest ally. Fear is what keeps me from doing new things and it’s what keeps me pushing forward. Fear and I have quite the love hate relationship.
And currently, I find myself facing a battle with fear. I know I’ll come out on top as long as I keep pushing through the fear and using it as my motivation, rather than as my nemesis. Because really it’s amazing what I can do when I push fear aside.
If I let fear get in the way, I never would have stepped out on the stage in front of my peers (in high school) to perform a song that I wrote.
And if you had seen me only moments before, you never would have thought I’d step a single barefoot onto that stage.
If I let fear get in the way, I never would have moved to Boston to attend and eventually graduate from Berklee College of Music.
If I let fear get in the way, I never would have gone into NYC the night I first heard The Lumineers (then 6cheek and about to become Wesley Jeremiah) and I never would have decided to start working with the band.
So why let fear get in the way now? My life has been this never-ending journey (that I don’t want to end anytime soon!) and in some of my biggest moments, I’ve pushed past that fear only to emerge as a stronger and better version of myself.
So why am I allowing fear to hold me down now? Why am I finding myself filled with moments of self-doubt and insecurity?
I ran across a quote in a book the other day that read “Don’t let lingering fears or frustration manifest as disinterest, ennui, or as anger at others or yourself. Growth always has it’s awkward moments and proceeds in increments, often more slowly than we’d like. Watch for the small and significant advances.”
I also found an old notebook where I wrote that a friend says “I don’t know my self worth but that that is different from knowing I’m good at what I do. I don’t get it.”
Late Saturday morning, I was sitting in my living room and could hear the speakers at the graduation ceremony at my old high school when I came to a realization: I want to be invited to speak at a graduation. I want to be so good at what I do, so inspiring that my story is worth sharing. Because I have a story. In fact, I have the perfect story to tell; I’m just still in the midst of making it and I will never get to finish this chapter and move onto the next if I keep allowing this wall of fear to stand in my way.
So I’m pushing it aside. I’m calling in my support regime and I’m kicking my ass into high gear. And hopefully, someday, I’ll be invited to share my story. Maybe at a graduation or maybe somewhere else, but I have a story and I want to tell it.
When have you pushed past your fear? Tell me your story!