“Weathered”

      14 Comments on “Weathered”
From my grandmother's 90th birthday party last summer with my cousin

From my grandmother’s 90th birthday party last summer with my cousin

Watching those we love grow old is never easy, even though we know it’s going to happen.

For the last several years, I’ve watched my grandmother age and as her Alzheimer’s took over her mind and body more and more. She’s my last living grandparent, since losing Uncle Ken in August last year, and last week she was officially put on hospice care. It didn’t come as a surprise, but that didn’t make it easier to know that her medical team is trying to prepare her and our family for the inevitable.

The hardest part for me is the unknown as we don’t know how much time we have left with her.

When I found this out from my mom, my brain immediately jumped to a conversation I had with my grandmother when I was in high school. I had just finished singing at my aunt Karla’s funeral and we were gathered outside the room as they prepared for us to head over to the cemetery. My grandma gave me a hug, told me the song was beautiful and asked me to sing at her funeral some day.

I’m sure you can imagine that I wasn’t very happy with her. I hardly made it through this song without turning into a blubbery mess, I didn’t understand how she thought I wouldn’t be in a worse state for hers. Not to mention, I didn’t even want to imagine that day ever coming.

And while she’s still alive and kicking, and this entire thought process could be completely premature, I can’t help but think about that conversation. It’s been playing on repeat in my head for nearly a week now.

Could I sing at her service?

Could I sing without completely crying?

Could I forgive myself if I didn’t, knowing she asked when she was completely with it?

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

weathered

I heard this song, “Weathered,” by Jack Garrett while at work the other week and it caught me. The lyrics pulled me in and at the time, I didn’t know how much they were or would end up speaking to me.

When I grow old, my weathered soul

And memories recluse, elusive

Help me take them out

So keep me young and call my bluffs

And help me out when you say, you say

There’s no room for doubt

Say I’m stronger and keep me close

And be the water and test my cold

And if I never let you go

Will you keep me young

Keep me young


 


14 thoughts on ““Weathered””

  1. Anne

    The unknown is so scary, particularly when it’s time left with someone we love so much. But, I am so, so glad that your grandma’s health care team is starting this conversation now. No matter how long you take to “prepare”, you can never be prepared. Take advantage of any and all support they offer you – lean on your family and on your friends – and most of all keep showing all of that huge love to your grandma. Your song is beautiful.

  5. Kristy @ Southern In Law

    My heart totally breaks for you, Katie! That song is absolutely beautiful and I’m sure if you do choose to sing, you’ll be doing her proud. No one will care if you cry or blubber because it’s not about them – it’s about her.

    Hugs to you! I’d be singing this to her now. Music is way more powerful than we think.
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  9. Chrissy

    Oh Katie, this post is both beautiful and sad. I am sure you will be able to sing for her. I am also sure it will be very hard to do so, but you are a strong woman and she loves you more than you will ever know and that is all it will take for you to fulfil her wish! Hugs xxx
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